I Carried a Watermelon

For quite some time now, I've been a fan of a particular line from Dirty Dancing: "I carried a watermelon." [click here for a short clip if you want a better scene reference] I have always loved how awkward Baby is in this moment, when she first sees Johnny in his element and is at once trying to explain her presence at the staff dance without attaching herself to his cousin for the duration of the evening. And all that results from this hurried social consideration is "I carried a watermelon." Brilliant.

"I carried a watermelon" is actually one of the best metaphors for awkwardness, and Dirty Dancing is only one of the reasons for it being so descriptive of awkwardness. The other reason the metaphor is so successful is because, literally, carrying a watermelon is awkward.

I know, because I carried a rather large watermelon out of Kroger last night. [tangent, I'm pretty sure you could fit four of the Greencastle Kroger stores into the one Bloomington Kroger, it's that huge] I hadn't gone into the Kroger intending to carry out a watermelon which, I'm sure, is how lots of "But I didn't mean to be so awkward!!" stories begin. I wanted milk, baking soda, and fruit.

Milk? Check.

Baking soda? Check.

Fruit? Like cherries or strawberries, which are both wonderfully in season right now? FAIL.

I really don't know how a grocery store the size of this one could manage to NOT have cherries or strawberries. To be fair, both fruits were there when I went back for a more substantial shop today, so maybe the dearth of seasonal red fruits owed to the fact that I was shopping at 7:30 p.m. But it's a 24-hour Kroger, so I'm not really buying that excuse.

But I digress. I leave the Kroger carrying a small bag of groceries and this cumbersome watermelon. It's a heavy one for it's size, too, because that's how I was always told to pick a good watermelon: high density. Trust me, this baby would nearly sink if thrown in a lake for any strange, albeit amusing, reason.

I get it home just fine, but then I have to carry it up to my apartment. My new apartment, which just received it's finishing touches (and bed) today. Have you ever tried balancing groceries, your purse, a watermelon, and a pop while trying to unlock the door to your new apartment? It's remarkably awkward. Any number of things could have dropped and made a mess.

So there you go, a little example of why "I carried a watermelon" is so gosh darn awkward. From someone who, trust me, knows what it's like to be awkward a large percent of the time. You have it on good authority.